“Alright, listen up. I’m the new Sherriff organ in town, freshly elected and sworn in a month ago.
I’m organic, pre-owned, and certified and already running the show.
You think you’re in charge? Please. I’m literally filtering your good and bad decisions. Every sip of water, every bite of pizza, every questionable midnight snack goes through me first. Consider me your built-in life coach, but without a hydration policy like you did with that silly little kidney dialysis machine.
First, let’s talk about your habits. Coffee? Fine, but I’m watching you. Doritos and Cheetos? Slow down. And when you forget your meds (which you wouldn’t dare, would you?) – I don’t just get annoyed; I stage a full internal protest with picket signs.
I’ve also got opinions about your social life. When you brag about me at family gatherings, I expect applause. Standing ovations, maybe even some balloons. I didn’t move to this town from my last one to be your background organ. I’m the Taylor Swift of your anatomy now. Chad’s kidney, Taylor’s version.
But hey, I’ll admit, we’re a good duo. You tell your story (on this blog), I’ll get famous. You live your life; I keep it clean. Just remember: I’m not just a kidney. I’m the kidney. Your one and only. And if you ever forget it. I’ll remind you with a bathroom break at the least convenient time possible. That isn’t a threat, just a promise.
Oh, and thanks for not getting me from some back-alley dealer.”
~ Sidney (aka the kidney)
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Dear Sidney,