During this process, there was a lot of evaluation taking place, both physically and spiritually. I can assure you that I was processing more about myself than at most other times in my life- trying to find clarity about what I was supposed to do. Another way to say it, is, if I believe in God and His promises for my life, then what is His will for me in all of this? How do I know I’ll make the right choice?
This is an age-old question, isn’t it? Is it God’s will for me to: go to this college, move to this city, take this specific job, marry this person, undergo this transplant surgery?
Likewise is it God’s will for: me to suffer hardships like this, have these health challenges, etc?
I had literally just typed out a few paragraphs to provide reasoned responses and realized I was diving into answering these deep questions, but not the title of my post. They are amazing questions to ask and wrestle with to be sure! Unsure how to proceed with the growing length of this philosophically theological dissertation, I did what most people would do, and I closed my laptop and went to bed. The following morning, one of my typical weekly Friday morning podcasts, unComfortable PODCAST, episode # 279 downloaded to my phone. As I was driving, I was struck speechless that the topic being discussed dealt exactly with healing and God’s will! To put my post back on track, I would highly recommend you invest 50 minutes of your time to listen to this episode. Thank you Minister Alex, the timing of this podcast could not have been more perfect.
Back to the original question. For me, donating a kidney for my friend was on the forefront of my mind. When taking walks, in the shower, driving to work, I’d shut off all media and ponder, “God, what would you have me do? What is the right thing for me? How will your provision be provided in this?” I even asked the same question that Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before he was crucified. “Father, If it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
I’ll be vulnerable and open with you, but my questions/prayers was more like, “God, I know I’m going through all this testing process, but can you show up anytime before I’m approved, the surgery is scheduled, and maybe provide a non-living kidney donor so I don’t have to do this?”
After thinking and praying about all of this, I would listen to praise and worship songs. This is a worship, prayer, discipline that I’ve turned to at several crucial and difficult times in the past and I experienced a profound sense of God speaking into my soul. The prayer I prayed, the random song that played that I’d never heard before brought me hope and peace in an amazing way. The words of truth flowed deep into my spirit as I listened and internalized the lyrics. I’ll admit, sometimes my eyes would start leaking, which is not typical. Even during worship time at church, the words of the songs continued to move my spirit time and time again; further impressing on my spirit this journey was a path set for me to take.
Music, praise and worship songs, has been the primary link for me to hear encouragement and Truth right when I need it most. This donation journey was no exception as it carried a burden along with things that were simply out of my control. There are some songs I love that always speak God’s truth to my heart, deep into my spirit, when I need it most. John 8:31-32, So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Here are several songs that I played daily once all the doors of being able to donate were opened and I still had times of doubt and fear.
2 Thessalonians 2:13 “God chose you as first fruits to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth.”
Hebrews 13:20–21 “Now may the God of peace… equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ.”
1 Corinthians 1:30 “It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God — that is, our righteousness, holiness, and redemption.”
1 Corinthians 6:19–20 “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.”
My journal posts are basically journal entries where I wanted to record any significant thoughts or experiences from that day or weekend. Some of these experiences were times when I felt closer to God and my spirit was just moved in the moment. Other times it was random chance things or someone said something unexpected, but it was how I saw God showing up for me. A gentleman named Wendell once gave a perfect description for these moments.
Paraphrasing: “There are seasons or moments in a believer’s journey when the Lord grants what we often call mountaintop moments. In these sacred hours, the veil between heaven and earth seems to thin, and our hearts are lifted into a place of awe. From that height, the view of God’s goodness overwhelms us, and it feels as though we are standing nearer to His presence- a very thin place indeed between the physical and spiritual world.”
+ Adding to this post (on 11/30/25) several weeks after it was originally written due to a timely message I heard at church this morning that deeply resonated with me because it fit so well with what I’m sharing with you in these journal entries. Minister Jed was discussing some of the ways we hear from God; maybe even how sometimes your attention can be captured at times in life when it’s least expected. This is the start of the Christmas series of messages at our church. Since these are recorded online, whether you attend church regularly or not, or never- I encourage you to listen in from the comfort of your home, right when you need an uplifting message of hope. I believe it will be a good investment of your time! [God Speaks to You Through…]