I began my kidney disease journey in the summer of 2023. Family and friends would often ask what I needed and how they could help. I could never come up with a specific answer. Often, I just needed to vent… or laugh.
It has been over two years, and I want to share how loved ones can help those recently diagnosed, on dialysis, or waiting for a transplant. This applies to everyone, not just those with kidney issues, but with health issues many are facing these days.
When a loved one has kidney disease, is on dialysis, or needs a transplant, it is human to want to help them in some way. But the journey is complicated, and the needs change from day to day. You don’t need all the answers to offer support. This is about being present, patient, and accompanying someone during a season they didn’t ask for.
Kidney dialysis and waiting for a transplant both reshape a person’s life in ways that are hard to see from the outside. Dialysis can feel like a job you have to pay to do, with no breaks. The feeling of waiting for a transplant can be like walking down a hallway with doors that are closed and locked. The best support understands that these experiences are heavy, unpredictable, and exhausting. The person you are trying to help is in need of hidden strength.
Some days are a mix of emotions layered on top of each other; a knot of hope, fear, gratitude, and fatigue that tightens and loosens as the hours pass, held inside with no real place to let it out. Saying, “I hear you” or “that sounds hard” can be more comforting than any advice.
Actionable support can make things easier in ways conversation can’t. Chronic illness creates a long list of small tasks that become overwhelming to manage. Offering something specific can be truly impactful. You can say things like, “I am going to the store; can I pick up anything for you? Snacks?” Or, “I am free on Thursday; can I drive you to treatment?” Specific offers remove the pressure of decision-making. They also show that you are paying attention to the changes in their life.
A warm meal can speak louder than any encouraging words. Kidney dialysis days can leave someone feeling as if their energy has been siphoned away. Waiting for a transplant can create a fatigue that builds over time, the kind that settles in after months of hoping and watching the days pass by. A meal arriving at the door can be a blessing. It tells them that someone thought of them when they did not have the energy to think of themselves.
It’s necessary to be flexible when moods fluctuate. Plans may change at the last minute. Energy levels may rise and fall without a clear pattern. Someone might feel ready to talk one day and be silent the next. Try not to take these shifts personally; they are not about you. It’s about a body and mind striving to survive a difficult situation. Patience becomes a blessing that lightens their burden.
Ask questions if you want to understand their world. “What does the treatment feel like from your perspective?” Alternatively, “What keeps you going when things are tough?“ These questions make it possible to have an honest conversation. Let them set the pace and follow their lead. Some people want to talk about their medical life, while others want a break from it.
Small gestures can lift a weight. A text that says: Thinking of you, or a just-because card in the mail. A quick visit where you won’t need to be entertained. These instances tell them they are still connected to the world and that they matter.
It is also important to respect their boundaries. Some do not want to talk about the transplant list or the possible timeline, as that often reminds them that there is no donor yet. Some do not want to answer the same questions over and over. Supporting them also means honoring what they choose to share and what they choose to keep to themselves.
If you are close to someone on kidney dialysis or waiting for a transplant, you may see them at their most vulnerable. You might see their tiredness reflected in their posture, hear discouragement in their voice, or sense their overwhelm from the many decisions and feelings they handle hourly. They might appear hopeful, yet harbor many fears, revealed in a pause or breath. Your calmness can help them feel stable. You do not have to be cheerful all the time, as they need someone genuine and attentive.
Also, humor can be beneficial. Not the type to disregard their situation, but the type to brighten things. A welcome distraction. A little silliness, a joke, or a funny story can help them escape the seriousness of their routine. Though challenges remain, laughter can lighten the load. After all, laughter is medicine.
When unsure how to help, just ask, “What do you need today?” This is a gentle question that gives them room to answer honestly. Some days, they may want and need company; other days, space. Some days, they may not know what they need at all. This is all part of their journey.
Helping someone going through kidney dialysis or transplant is not about grand gestures. It’s built on small, consistent acts of caring. It comes from the reminder that they aren’t going through this by themselves. Your kindness provides stability during an isolating and unpredictable season.
Your presence becomes their support system. The simple act of sitting with them in their uncertainty can give them the strength they need.
And when their story finally shifts into a new chapter, they will remember who stayed close. The ones who eased the waiting. and those who helped them feel human in a time that often felt like a patient waiting to be seen.
Even a single gesture can change how they will face the day ahead.
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What I Want Other Kidney Patients to Know