First and foremost I can say I didn’t just wake up one morning and decide I no longer wanted my second kidney. At 12:01AM on Jan 1st, 2025 this was not my New Year’s resolution and was not on my bucket list. My kidneys are little work-horses, quietly doing their job, never raising a fuss. It wasn’t like the little mooch wasn’t pulling its weight any longer and it became time to right-size the piss department! No, that’s not how I came to this decision. A lot more thoughts and prayer were involved in the process. Let me explain some key points for answering that short question with a CliffsNotes version of what is really quite an extended journey of thoughts and experiences. I will use some bullet points so that my Engineer friends can follow along too.
Sometime prior to Nov 4th, 2024, my friend Chad called to tell me that his doctors had finally given the news that his kidneys were failing and no longer doing the job they were supposed to, resulting in a diagnosis of ESRD, End-Stage Renal Disease. The end result of that heavy news was a shock to the system. Restated in the most bluntest of terms from my little brother, Brian, who is an amazing nurse and can explain health situations for the non-medically inclined folk like myself put it this way:
“Well Jeeeaff, (His brotherly accent for my name) Basically what that means is that Chad is going to be placed on palliative care.”
“OK, I responded, what does palliative care mean?”
“That’s basically for people at their end-of-life situation where some medical intervention is done to either keep them alive, or keep them comfortable while they are dying. So, that really sucks Chad’s kidneys have failed. (Yes, nurses are often blunt and Brian is no exception) He can do dialysis to stay alive for a while though! Some patients can live a number of years doing that, but it’s really hard and totally sucks. It’ll drain your energy and overtime it becomes less effective and more toxins build up in the body’s tissues and organs. Eventually, all these toxins find their way into the skin and other organs and you end up with general organ failure and die.”
“Holy crap, that’s really bad. What you are saying is that if he’s lucky, he may have another 8-10 years of dialysis to survive?”
“Ya, but like I said Jeeeaff, His life will really suck. He needs to get on the wait-list for a donor kidney. That’s about his only long-term option.”
Sometime shortly after this conversation with my brother, I overheard my coworker mention something around our office kitchen area about eating a special diet because he only had one kidney. Divine intervention? Probably, read on!
When I started at HDR about 6 years ago, at the time of this writing, it wasn’t too long into the first few months of my employment when I recall this coworker being out of office for a long time due to a medical issue. I didn’t know what the issue was, but I knew it was a big deal and this gentleman was in a tough spot. I was able to put the two things together and I stopped to ask him more about his situation. It turned out, he was a recipient from a living kidney donor, his brother, who was a close enough match. I requested to see if my coworker would be willing to sit down with me and Chad and learn about his experience. We bought him a tasty lunch at the Farmhouse Cafe and he openly shared his story and experience with us. This was on Saturday Dec 14th, 2024. I was listening from a different position than Chad was. I was there to be a supporting friend, but completely out of my element of expertise. I wanted to learn more about this process and what a living donor experience would look like. Up to this point in my life, it was never something I’ve ever given much thought to, nor did I personally know anyone who has been a kidney donor or a recipient.
This is what I gathered from our chat. Chad heard more things that spoke to his heart and situation. My coworker didn’t pull any punches either and told it straight:
- You can live a full and healthy life with only one kidney.
- You are put through a rigorous gamut of testing. You will be collecting urine samples and you’ll be stabbed more times than you can count for blood testing.
- That last one was unfortunate because I gave blood one time and had a passing out seizure on the chair, right there in the gym of Millard North High School. So, needless to say, I was NOT on the noble path of being a blood donor. I could handle a flu shot, but I’d get a little light headed and queasy when vials of blood were being pumped out through a giant needle stabbed into my vein.
- They will run so many tests on you, you’ll know if you’re healthy!
- It does hurt and the recovery was not easy for him and his brother. They experienced significant swelling and pain and it took longer to heal up than they expected.
- With any type of major surgery there is always a chance for complications, and potentially rare cases, even death.
- This I took with a grain of salt after being exposed and densensitized to so many special medicine commercials where they quickly spew out all the potential side effects of the drug being advertised. The only gruesome side effect I don’t think I’ve observed yet is, “spontaneous human combustion.” Technology is changing quickly- give it another 5 years and we’ll probably have this “symptom” added to those lists of horrendous outcomes that outpace the severity of the initial issue being treated in the first place!
Following that lunch meeting, I would say both Chad and I set out on our own paths. His path led to choosing to sign up to be a candidate for the kidney donor transplant program. At first, Chad seemed opposed to the idea. My path was to research more about this. Chad was outfitted with a peritoneal dialysis machine that can be one used at home overnight and then he’d get tested to see if he was a candidate for the donor list program. Over the course of time, I figured he’d eventually get the call and have a non-living donor kidney come his way. After all, the non-living part means that the individual no longer has use of the kidney and it’s being harvested for a good and just cause to help save or improve the life of another human being.
This is a great reason to consider being a living organ donor.
How many lives could be affected and blessed following the unfortunate circumstance of your own death? According to U.S. Health Resources & Services Administration (HRSA) UNOS, and Donate Life America, a single donor can save up to 8 lives and improve or heal the lives of 75 or more others. That’s an amazing thing to think about and consider.
What I found during some of my research, including follow up questions to the transplant donor team:
- Often, newly added people to the donor list can wait for many years before their number is called. 3-5 years was an average wait time depending on blood type. Type O may have a 5-7 year wait time.
- I used AI searches for medical journals and statistics related to Chad’s general health position and age. What I found didn’t bode well for life expectancy while on peritoneal dialysis. Hemodialysis is the other option and can help extend life, but it’s still a palliative care option.
- Around May 13th, I went for a walk and called my brother to pick his brain and get more sarcastic responses. I started our chat with the statement that I was maybe considering being tested to see if I could be a donor for Chad. He laughed and said I was crazy. He also restated that the longer a patient was on dialysis, the harder and harder it would be for them to recover due to all the build-up of toxins. So, even if he did get a new kidney 4-5 years down the road, his pathway to organ failure could be higher and he’d be less healthy at that future point in time. What this meant to me was that, it actually could be a matter of timing and having a kidney transplant much sooner would yield better results and have a much higher success rate for Chad to live.
- As I was thinking about being a donor, there were many things that would need to happen IF it were even a possibility. So, my first choice was to determine if I should get tested right away or wait several years and see if Chad happened to get the call. If not, then spring into action “at the last minute”. I chose to proceed with the fastest possible option:
- I wasn’t getting any younger.
- If my kidney actually WAS a match, I would want it and him to have the best and longest potential for health. Minimize the negative effects of dialysis on his health and well being.
That was my initial, logical thought process for Chad. Here was my thought process for myself.
Enter me. I’m nearly the same age, height, and weight as Chad. I’ve been blessed with good health my whole life. Ya, I’m still an overweight American by at least 30 lbs. At the time of this specific entry, I had already started to fix my weight and take the road for a better diet and trying to exercise more.
Is the experience of a few months of pain and likely a slow recovery, worth at least trying to save my friend’s life who needs a kidney to live or else he may not survive long into his 50s? YES.
Change my lifestyle a bit and my diet, mandating exercise? YES.
Giving up my dreams to be a Middle Aged UFC cage fighter? Ok I guess so…
Is it worth stressing out my family and needing to rely on their help for a few weeks? YES.
Being poked and prodded and bodily fluid tested more times than I can count? YES. It’s worth the temporary anxiety and minor pinches from the needles. The clarity of purpose while sitting down in the “fainting restraint chairs” allowed me to keep my chin up and put a smile on my face. I WILL walk through this valley with and for my friend knowing that God has my back.
What if it doesn’t work and Chad’s body rejects it or worse (Chad had similar fears)? That’s entirely out of my control and lies fully in God’s hands, not mine. Is it still worth it? YES- I’ve still got to try.
What if there is a last second complication during surgery and your kidney is removed, but cannot immediately be used for Chad. Would you be OK if it went to the next anonymous recipient match on the list? This question took me a bit of reflection and prayer, I’m not going to lie! Final answer, YES. I believe without a doubt the God of the Bible is in control and I will place my faith and trust in whatever the final results are to be. Regardless of an individual’s belief in God, or a higher power, you are still exercising your faith muscle. “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1
Let me describe some examples of self-sacrificial opportunities that have entered my mind. These are situations a person might have a plan for if experienced, but generally only a few seconds is all you’d have before needing to act.
If I were to find myself in a situation of what I’ll call, “uncertainty of outcome to my own self preservation”, how would I react to the following:
- A person had fallen through the ice, would I risk jumping into a frozen river or lake to try and help them?
- Would I open the door to a burning car or house, knowing a small child was in there?
- If I were riding the subway and a young lady was about to be stabbed in the neck, would I jump in to try and stop the attack?
- Side note: during an Upwards flag football game, my dad, who expressed the most consternation-and rightly so as a concerned dad should, was giving me some “devil advocate questioning”. I brought up this recent horrific news event, which was caught on the subway security cameras, and asked him, “If you were sitting across the aisle and saw this was about to happen, the knife was out and raised, would you jump in to try and stop the knife attack?” His response was yes, he would try to stop it. But what he didn’t realize was that knife attacks are extremely dangerous and if you do not have specific self defense training, the risk of very serious injury or death is quite high. Long ago, I earned a junior Blackbelt, 1st degree in Taekwondo and even helped teach younger kids in my class. Knowing and having practiced disarming techniques would give me some slight advantage, but acting in a tight quarters situation like the train would still carry a significant chance of harm to myself. In my logical functioning brain, I also answered YES.
- Would I try to tackle and disarm a gunman if I had the proximity and opportunity? Would I do that??? By the Lord God above I sure hope I would have the strength and ability to step up in a situation like that. Whether for a friend, family member or someone I didn’t know- ya I still hope I would act.
In each of these potential scenarios my logical, non-fight-or-flight thought process indicates that in spite of serious potential Injury and possibly death, I think I WOULD act to save another person. This would be a split-second decision that could ultimately end in my untimely death trying to help a complete stranger.
Now, consider this similar thought process for a moment because what you are about to read is the final answer for WHY I chose to donate my kidney.
The risk of death from a donor nephrectomy is statistically very low. Between 1 and 2.2 deaths per 10,000 donor surgeries. This is a statistically available number, whereas my previous examples were of unknown but much higher statistical certainty.
According to several AI searches, about 95% of recipients are still alive one year after surgery. Studies similar to Chad’s situation are closer to a 90% success rate over 5 years with a grafted living kidney donor option.
The success rate for both of us coming out on top is certainly not 100% by health and wholeness standards, but the chances are “very good” for us both being alive and kicking and able to live without regret that we did our best, we sacrificed, and we took up this specific cross to bear when the opportunity presented itself.
We still need to acknowledge there are still things out of our control- is this still worth it? For a friend, with expert surgeons and doctors, with family support, with statistics on our side, with the ultimate Healer in charge of everything anyway? YES.
And that my friends is the logical, part one, analysis of how I came to this decision.
The first reasoned response may be a sufficient answer, but since this is my story, I have a necessary second-part response to this question. It is entirely impossible to separate myself from my Christian worldview and as such the following answers and experiences were just as, if not more important than my logical reasoning.
[Read Part II of my response: Why did I choose to donate? Worldview Response Part II]