Scene: The Interview Room
I read Sidney’s LinkedIn profile while I waited for the potential match candidate to arrive:
Dedicated life support specialist with at least 18+ years of continuous service in blood filtration, toxin removal, and electrolyte balance. Proven track record of reliability with zero absences and a firm commitment to sustaining human vitality. Skilled collaborator, having worked seamlessly alongside Right Kidney in high‑(blood) pressure environments. Adaptable to new placements and motivated by purpose: extending life stories and fueling energy, advocacy, and hope. Seeking opportunities to leverage technical expertise and resilience in a new role where impact truly matters.
Skills With Endorsements:
- Blood Filtration – Endorsed by the Hematology Department for more than years of uninterrupted service
- Electrolyte Balance – Recognized by the Endocrine Team for precision in sodium/potassium regulation
- Fluid Middle Management – Endorsed by a few Hydration Specialists for consistent homeostasis under pressure
- Toxin Removal – Praised by my Liver colleagues for collaborative detox performance
- Team Collaboration – Endorsed by the Right-side kidney for seamless partnership and shared workload
- Adaptability – Highly recommended by the UNMC Kidney Transplant Committee for thriving in new environments after testing.
Across from me was a nervous but eager kidney, dressed in a suit.
Me: Welcome, thanks for coming in today. Let’s start with your name.
Kidney: Officially, I’m “Left Kidney.” But friends call me “Sidney.”
Me: Good to know. Now, this position is “Life Support Specialist.” What makes you qualified?
Kidney: I’ve been filtering blood 24/7 for decades. No sick days, no vacation. I’m committed to my role. My résumé includes: Skills such as electrolyte balancing, toxin removal, and fluid regulation. Also, my soft skills: team player (worked alongside Right Kidney for years), adaptable, and I can thrive in new environments, by the way.
You: Impressive. Any weaknesses we should know about?
Kidney: I can be a little shy at first. And I’ve never worked solo before. I’m used to having a partner. But I’m confident I can step up. And I’ve never used Microsoft Office, nor do I own a smartphone. Not sure how many words a minute I can type. Sorry.
You: That’s no problem. There isn’t a lot of typing involved.
What motivated you to apply for this role?
Kidney: Simple. One word: Purpose. I want to keep someone’s story going. I’ve been waiting for a chance to make a difference. My current employer is okay with it and actually approached me with the idea.
You: That’s no problem. There isn’t a lot of typing involved.
One last question: Why should we hire you over other candidates?
Kidney: Because I’m not just a filter. I’m your future. I’ll give you energy for laughter, stamina for advocacy, and space for hope. Kidney (leans in and whispers): By the way, I work well with bosses that have an A+ blood type.
(I jot down some notes, merely nodding. I was sold. The kidney straightens their suit, looking hopeful.)
You: Thank you. We’ll be in touch. (I reach to shake their hand, but they don’t have one.)
Kidney: Oh, before I leave, here are my recommendations.
Recommendations:
Right Kidney – Former Counterpart:
“Reliable, steady, and always there when I needed backup. Left Kidney carried half the load with grace and precision. Anyone would be lucky to have them.”Liver (Cross‑Functional) Associate
“An excellent collaborator in detox operations. Left Kidney consistently handled filtration while I managed chemical breakdown. Together, we kept things running smoothly.”Heart – Executive Leadership
“Left Kidney’s consistency gave me the confidence to keep pumping at full strength. Their reliability is unmatched. A true cornerstone of the organ department.”Bladder – Downstream Colleague
“Always punctual, stays late, comes in early. Left Kidney’s strong work ethic ensured I never faced a backlog (sorta speak) of, uh, paperwork. Highly recommended for any role requiring precision and endurance.”
