(Originally posted on: Life After Kidney Transplant – Facebook Group)
Written by Nikkida Shamanic
Hey everyone. I’ve been silently going through a lot and I finally felt like I needed to share my story with people who would actually understand.
I had my transplant on August 6, 2022 and just celebrated 3 years. My first year was honestly the hardest of my life. Between the constant stomach issues, adjusting to all the meds, the watery diarrhea, and being scared to even leave the house, I felt trapped in my own body. And because it was still so close to COVID, I was isolated on top of everything else.
Eventually I started feeling like life was opening back up. I went back to cosmetology school just months after transplant, started working in a salon, started traveling, got on a plane for the first time, went on a cruise… It finally felt like things were getting better.
But then I kept getting sick. I’ve had multiple UTIs that turned into kidney infections, and twice I didn’t even know I was sick until I woke up not able to stand or walk. The last time I turned septic. I’ve been hospitalized multiple times for at least a week. Every time I start getting back on my feet, something hits me again.
Right now I’m dealing with frequent infections, weight gain, fibroids, health insurance that won’t pay for the medications I need, and doctors who say it all links back to being on immunosuppressants. Basically: no real answer, just more antibiotics that tear my stomach up.
Last week I broke down in front of my doctor…It wasn’t the first time, so he suggested antidepressants. I have them, but I haven’t taken them yet because I don’t know how I feel about it. I’m trying to get therapy but can’t really afford it right now.
I’m in this weird space where I want to live a normal, fun, worry-free life… but I’m scared of getting sick again because I don’t get clear warning signs. Every little thing makes my mind spiral. I feel like the walls are closing in. I hate that my body keeps doing this and I hate that I even needed a transplant in the first place.
I don’t want to sound ungrateful, I’m thankful for my second chance but this journey is nothing like what I imagined. It’s emotionally draining and mentally exhausting. Some days I feel so defeated.
I’m sharing this because I know I can’t be the only one who feels like this. If you’ve been where I am, dealt with recurrent infections, fear, depression, or just the constant up-and-down of post-transplant life, I would love to hear how you got through it. Hearing from people who understand would mean a lot right now.
Thank you for reading. 
~ Nikkida Shamanic